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June 20, 2008 
This series of posts on building your personal networking skills is meant to serve a couple of purposes. If you remember from one of my first posts I’m hoping that skilled networkers may pick up a gem or two to add to their understanding. These posts also serve those who are not good at networking and those who know they need to network and have been afraid to take the first steps. So, much of this starts at the very beginning, laying the ground work and a foundation to build on. This probably doesn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it anyway: I work in the IT field, and many of the folks in IT, especially the technologists, may not have the best…er…social skills? That is really my intended audience. I learned a bunch of this the hard way, and I want to help out my colleagues so they can learn from my mistakes.
So I get behind the wheel of my car, I turn the key and turn off my brain, and I let my body take me on autopilot to the networking event I want to attend. I have to do this. If I think about it too much I’ll probably find a reason to talk myself out of going. “I’m sure that I *have* to caulk around the bathtub tonight. It simply can’t wait another day.”
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I arrive, park the car, keep my mind on autopilot (hoping I remember to actually lock the doors) and walk into the venue. Again, I don’t want to give myself an opportunity to back out. I would suggest planning on meeting a friend or colleague at the event as another layer of accountability to make sure you get there. This is only a suggestion, as I find that 70% of the time that I do this my friend doesn’t show. I still wind up there alone. And, man, its tough walking into a room of people that you don’t know when you’re all alone. I look in. Everyone knows everyone else. Nobody knows me. And I have a banner “ineptitude” flying over my head.
This describes me. Seriously. Maybe not all the time anymore, but, yes, from time to time. I still find myself pacing the hall before an event literally talking to myself saying, “Just talk, Andy. Just talk.” Then I dive in. Like entering a swimming pool, you have to jump in. Otherwise the event will be over if you just get your feet wet and take it slowly.
“But I’m shy!” Yes, and I’d agree that this is a real and pressing issue. Stanford has a Shyness Clinic. Smaller families, video games, and suburbs have caused all of us to spend more time alone or in less social situations. We may not have been shown, and we may not be showing our kids, how to interact naturally in social situations. Understand that shyness is a habit and not a disease. Just like you can learn to stop picking your nose, you can learn to deal with your shyness by unlearning the habits that put you there.
Bottom line? You’re not alone. I would bet if you asked some of the most social people around you, the folks that you think are networking gods, if they’ve always been social, that most of them would say, “no,” and that they had to face some difficult challenges to teach themselves how to break the ice with others and create for themselves an environment they can function comfortably in.
So, tell us. How do you feel when you face a room full of strangers?
- Andy
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