My phone is staring at me with a text message telling me simply "Ok." Is that the understatement of the decade. Those two letters remind me of just how limited I am in my ability to help. And how every three months or so I seem to completely check out for a couple of weeks. Consider it the necessary, if forced, recovery in the cycles that govern my biology. Despite my best intentions I leave people hanging and ignored.
"Ok." That was a response from a friend who called me at 10:30PM, who I had talked to for an hour in person earlier that day, and whose husband, who I also consider a friend, I had talked to for an hour earlier that day. We, separately, discussed the ramifications of an affair on their marriage. Apparently at 10:30PM all was not well, but, being already in bed, I had not answered my phone. The next morning I responded to the text letting her know I'd call when I got to work. Then work happened. And it happened again the next day. And I have not called, just now remembering that I need to - even though I don't have an hour. I might have 15 minutes, but how do you cut off a conversation about heady matters in 15 minutes?
I sense one of these two-week spasms coming on if I'm not careful. I need to figure out how to plan some mental and biological recovery into my daily life. What has put me in this state? Last weekend I spent a number of painful hours in Columbus, Ohio listening to a pastor talk about the "problem people" in his congregation. Really? Problem people? Then thinking about a friend who had left that church because of the pain he and his family felt. I understood. And while at the workshop I was asked to speak a few words at my church the following day. When would I plan that? I needed to travel back and spend time with my kids. So the next morning I found myself scribbling furiously during the Sunday morning service, writing out my notes, glad that my turn to speak came at the very end of the service.
The weeks preceding this one I spent a week out of town with family for the holidays, and just before that, without warning, had to figure out how to come up with $6,000 to bail a friend out of jail on December 23rd, and then cover that money the next day as I could only float it for a couple of days. This experience was a first for me. Today I got the thank you letters out for the HOPE worldwide Cincinnati Chapter toy drive to the great organizations that helped us out. Still, as these should have been out two weeks ago. As a volunteer I found myself torn in a number of directions without a block of time to get them done. Last minute touches needed to be put in place for the blood drive over the MLK weekend. The food and toy drive this year, although a complete blow-out, took quite a personal emotional toll on me. Angst over the magic I would perform as Drosselmeyer in the Nutcracker had me tied in knots in December. These were all resolved the day before the dress rehearsal.
Then smaller items like friends asking what financial resources are available to help them adopt the son of a Peruvian relative in a tough situation, another asking for an objective review of a business plan, another wanting to work on a concept automobile to start a product line, and another looking to partner in starting a green business, along with a request to help plan out the sermon themes at church for 2011 - all these items require some thought and fill in any gaps of available time.
I understand I'm just complaining. My complaint isn't all the things that need attention. My complaint is that I can't help more and I only have 24 hours in a day.